My shrink says I’m a narcissist, which is ironic and irritating because I have to pay him to talk about me constantly for an hour – at those rates, surely … Continue Reading #myshrink
Put a pair of hardy leather boots through a rainstorm and they are ruined. But cows wander freely in the rain and don’t fall apart? What’s that about?
Its ADD just in Hi-definition.
I think we can all agree that when it comes to a.) operating heavy machinery, b.) sex or c.) brand new hi-tech toys, the two scariest words in the English … Continue Reading another true story
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but we can bump it up the list if you like?
How an average date plays out for me…. 5.) Which dwarf are you? 4.) Its not the size..no..it is, its the size. 3.) How do i set this laser printer … Continue Reading Still more dating advice from the edge
I keep getting told that the right person will come along, but what if mine got run over?
When i said that I had a great evening, I just wasn’t referring to this evening.
Is there a distinction between desperate and needy? Of course there is.. I got a distinction for both in my final year.
OMG! I’m like 4ft 5! Why didn’t anyone say anything? I’m so embarrassed. If you put me in a jar I’d look like an olive
If anyone finds a video on YouTube – its not me. It just looks like me from that angle. Sheesh. As if.
I have finally hit dating Defcon 1. Frankly I’d take home one of the face-hugger aliens that burst out your tummy days later, just as long as he would stay long … Continue Reading last call
Well its Friday again, and here I sit at my computer, about to read and go to bed. I have the social life of a 90-year-old aubergine with Alzheimer’s. My … Continue Reading can we keep him?
A family of Indian Myna’s have moved into the chimney of my fireplace (these are birds, not under-age or underground workers from Bombay). If I turn it on, its going … Continue Reading Minors
In my twenties I gained an honorary degree in pharmacology trying to alter the pace of life that ended with me dragging myself home by my lips. Then in my … Continue Reading Life tip #6
My waitress said what I ate was “guru”. I double checked. I would apologise to anyone missing their guru this morning, but he must have been a very young guru … Continue Reading the joy of being a foreigner