The dating escapades of a serial idiot
If I hear one more song about loving someone “forever”, I will consider proving that “forever” can in fact be abruptly ended with a blunt instrument to the head. This awful myth has spread to the general populace and is now bandied about ad nauseam. Forever does not exist. At best you get a “good innings”, but mostly you get a “great start” followed by a blessed escape from a burning building. Continue reading dating myth #25
I am in a quandary. The only thing I am sure of is that if someone offers me advice about “listening to your gut”, I will be tempted to remove my guts with a blunt spoon and ask them where exactly this other worldly knowledge is situated. My guts couldn’t decide to digest wheat, so I sincerely doubt they have inside info on my romantic catastrophes. Continue reading Digest this.
My ex and I split over religious differences, he was Catholic and I was Satan. Continue reading #undateable
Suicide bombers get to have 72 virgins after their explosive deaths. That’s pretty non-specific if you think about it. They could get 72 acne covered, world-of-warcraft techno-geeks; but then again, that’s a pretty just reward for being a suicide bomber. Continue reading A virgin what?
It is staggering that people cheat, and not because I can’t fathom the reasons behind it, but because it means they found multiple romantic options! Where? I feel like I’ve contracted a more chronic and terminal variant of singledom. And lets face it, I had fairly low standards to begin with. Continue reading this shallow dating pool
I think we can all agree that when it comes to a.) operating heavy machinery, b.) sex or c.) brand new hi-tech toys, the two scariest words in the English language are….. “my turn”. It sends a shiver down my spine every time. Continue reading another true story
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but we can bump it up the list if you like? Continue reading
How an average date plays out for me…. 5.) Which dwarf are you? 4.) Its not the size..no..it is, its the size. 3.) How do i set this laser printer to stun? 2.) A cultist? Oh, dear god, and here comes your comet 1.) No officer I haven’t been drinking, but if you drug me, you can take me home. Continue reading Still more dating advice from the edge
I keep getting told that the right person will come along, but what if mine got run over? Continue reading oops!
I have finally hit dating Defcon 1. Frankly I’d take home one of the face-hugger aliens that burst out your tummy days later, just as long as he would stay long enough to watch a movie and have some popcorn. Continue reading last call
