dating myth #25

If I hear one more song about loving someone “forever”, I will consider proving that “forever” can in fact be abruptly ended with a blunt instrument to the head. This awful myth has spread to the general populace and is now bandied about ad nauseam. Forever does not exist.  At best you get a “good…

Digest this.

I am in a quandary. The only thing I am sure of is that if someone offers me advice about “listening to your gut”, I will be tempted to remove my guts with a blunt spoon and ask them where exactly this other worldly knowledge is situated. My guts couldn’t decide to digest wheat, so…

#undateable

My ex and I split over religious differences, he was Catholic and I was Satan.

A virgin what?

Suicide bombers get to have 72 virgins after their explosive deaths. That’s pretty non-specific if you think about it. They could get 72 acne covered, world-of-warcraft techno-geeks; but then again, that’s a pretty just reward for being a suicide bomber.

this shallow dating pool

It is staggering that people cheat, and not because I can’t fathom the reasons behind it, but because it means they found multiple romantic options! Where? I feel like I’ve contracted a more chronic and terminal variant of singledom. And lets face it, I had fairly low standards to begin with.

another true story

I think we can all agree that when it comes to a.) operating heavy machinery, b.) sex or c.) brand new hi-tech toys, the two scariest words in the English language are….. “my turn”. It sends a shiver down my spine every time.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but we can bump it up the list if you like?

Still more dating advice from the edge

How an average date plays out for me…. 5.) Which dwarf are you? 4.) Its not the size..no..it is, its the size. 3.) How do i set this laser printer to stun? 2.) A cultist? Oh, dear god, and here comes your comet 1.) No officer I haven’t been drinking, but if you drug me,…

oops!

I keep getting told that the right person will come along, but what if mine got run over?

last call

I have finally hit dating Defcon 1.  Frankly I’d take home one of the face-hugger aliens that burst out your tummy days later, just as long as he would stay long enough to watch a movie and have some popcorn.

more dating trivia

The Goldilocks Zone is the distance a planet must be from a star for conditions to be “just right” for life to occur – so not too hot, and not too cold. In dating terms the Goldilocks zone is a narrow band caught between the “Psycho Magnetosphere” and “Belt of Cretan”. Interestingly enough, life in…

Holy Moly

Just remembered the premise for Indecent Proposal, and was wondering what I would do for a million dollars. The mind boggles considering what I’ve done for free.