All this talk about muscle memory, but you think your fat forgets?
I don’t have a dog, which means for any kind of valid excuse i basically have to eat my own homework
I want employees that are like my beard. In the morning you wake up and the work is done
My ex and I split over religious differences, he was Catholic and I was Satan.
There are moments where I have made the kind of blunder that is so spectacular that embarrassment moves to an altogether higher plane. I have rubbed a growing tummy to … Continue Reading end it all now!
Suicide bombers get to have 72 virgins after their explosive deaths. That’s pretty non-specific if you think about it. They could get 72 acne covered, world-of-warcraft techno-geeks; but then again, … Continue Reading A virgin what?
It is staggering that people cheat, and not because I can’t fathom the reasons behind it, but because it means they found multiple romantic options! Where? I feel like I’ve … Continue Reading this shallow dating pool
I read a quote from one of the Gucci family who said she’d rather be crying in her Rolls Royce than laughing on her bicycle. Now I realise that money … Continue Reading the Science of Poor
My shrink says I’m a narcissist, which is ironic and irritating because I have to pay him to talk about me constantly for an hour – at those rates, surely … Continue Reading #myshrink
Put a pair of hardy leather boots through a rainstorm and they are ruined. But cows wander freely in the rain and don’t fall apart? What’s that about?
I have finally hit dating Defcon 1. Frankly I’d take home one of the face-hugger aliens that burst out your tummy days later, just as long as he would stay long … Continue Reading last call
Well its Friday again, and here I sit at my computer, about to read and go to bed. I have the social life of a 90-year-old aubergine with Alzheimer’s. My … Continue Reading can we keep him?
In my twenties I gained an honorary degree in pharmacology trying to alter the pace of life that ended with me dragging myself home by my lips. Then in my … Continue Reading Life tip #6
I’ve noticed that gamblers always tell you what they won, and those on a diet always tell you what they’ve lost. So, just for the record, it looks like I’ll … Continue Reading but I didn’t order that.
From Mr Pat Robertson, “”The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill … Continue Reading hysterical much?
Lets put the laughter back in manslaughter.