I am struggling to accept that this is not a dress rehearsal, but is in fact the main performance. I feel my part has been grossly under-written and appallingly lit. And is this really all that wardrobe could find to dress me in? Continue reading vomitorium

If I was to go into a church I would of course be incinerated at the door. However, I’d like to point out for those who do go, it doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in the garage makes you a car. Continue reading so.

I just read about the dis-inhibition effect. This is when, for example, you say that your boss is a mental cripple with the face of a bashed crab, forgetting that he’s also a Facebook “friend”. Not even NetNanny can prevent catastrophic stupidity online and its ending lots of jobs and relationships. So for the record, i think all of you rock, those stories were about someone else, and sure, the earth moved. Continue reading #the disinhibition effect

Today I saw a real life celebrity meltdown. This is apparently the behaviour that put Charlize on the A-star list, but there is nothing quite so awful as a barely known, two-star “performer” trying to tear apart one of the little people.   It was like watching wild dogs eat a gnu alive – riveting, but abhorrent. There was even the shriek of, “Do you know who I am?” Of course we do, you’re that self-obsessed loser from the TV. Continue reading celebrity?

Tomorrow I shall test Nietzsche’s famous quote, “if you stare into the abyss for long enough, the abyss stares into you” when a team of medical professionals will put a camera where the sun has never shone. For the record, if the abyss does stare back… well, lets just agree that medical science will come off second best in a showdown Continue reading Me, my colon and I

Is Facebook and a DVD contract the same as having a social life? Its not like school.  Now i have over two thousand people who don’t realise that i actually have a club foot and live in a well Continue reading who am I?

You wouldn’t take advice from someone who had no experience, but apparently we should listen to what the pope has to say about sex?  Well I’m having lots of sex, and if I can find someone to have it with… all the better. Continue reading Huh?

A night out when I was a kid was a milkshake and movie. Just a few years later, it was a line of horse tranquilizer, a gorilla called Steve and a fag hag dressed like Carmen Miranda. Now, it’s the finals of the Shady-Pines Macrame Championships and a glass of warm milk with cinnamon. Somebody kill me. Continue reading a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

I thought cowboys were cool, until I reached age thirty-something, got on a horse that simply refused to move forward, and was ridiculed by snotty eight year girls galloping about on Sea Biscuit with their first place ribbons flying in their hair. Those hateful little shits are the reason therapists have careers. Continue reading I’ve taken up horse riding!

Why are the leaders of most religions driving in armoured cars – surely they have nothing to fear but eternal bliss? Continue reading

My porn star name (first pet’s name with your mother’s maiden name) is Smokey Tippet.  It also allows for some funny song rip-offs like, “Smoke-y gets in your eyes”. Which is a great change from my old Country & Western theme tune “I hate every bone in your body but mine.” Continue reading my porn name